An unexpected pregnancy can have an impact on the extended family. Your child is likely feeling feel shocked, confused and ashamed. You might be feeling these things too. At CCAS-IOP we are here to help everyone in the family work through their feelings and make the best decision. We offer free counseling services to the family, for as long as needed.
Birth grandparents are an integral and meaningful part of an open adoption plan and relationship. We encourage you to maintain an ongoing life-long relationship with your grandchild, and our agency is here to support you in the process.
How can I support my daughter or son if they are dealing with an unexpected pregnancy?
The first thing you can do is let your child know that you are there to help them get the support they need. Offer to take her to the doctor to get prenatal care. Talk to her about how she is feeling and encourage her to meet with one of our counselors to help her work through some of the important decisions she’ll be making in relation to her pregnancy and her future.
Will I still be a grandparent if my child creates an adoption plan?
In an open adoption, your grandchild can still be a part of your life if the adoptive family and birthparents make this a part of the adoption plan. If your child is placing through open adoption, have a conversation with your child about your wish to be a part of your grandchild’s life after placement. When making the adoption plan, the adoptive parents and your child will come to an agreement about grandparent involvement in the child’s life. Birth grandparents can be included at visits, receive pictures, be invited to birthday parties and other milestones.
What if I want to raise the child?
The important thing to know is that the birthparents have the final say when it comes to making the decision on whether to make an adoption plan for their child.
My daughter was only 16 when she became pregnant. She was afraid of disappointing us, so she didn’t tell us she was pregnant right away. We felt like failures because she didn’t feel she could talk to us. I called Central California Adoption Services - Infant of Prague to see how they could help.
Our whole family received counseling and participated in the agency’s support group. There were several other grandparents-to-be in the group, so we never felt alone. We met with a counselor for five months. She never pressured us. She gave “Susie” lots of homework on what to expect if she decided to parent the baby.
“Susie” finally realized she was too young to be a mother and that she needed to finish growing up herself. She hadn’t even finished high school yet. We never told anyone about the baby – we didn’t want to have to deal with the reaction of other people. We selected a perfect family for our grandson and my daughter slipped back into school. To this day we still meet occasionally with the adoptive family and know how our grandson is doing. Our daughter finished school and now has a good job.
Facing an unplanned pregnancy can be emotional and overwhelming for everyone involved. If you would like to talk to a counselor, call us at
(559) 447-3333. We are here to answer your questions and your role in this process.